


Wasn't in my head (but I just wanna do it again)

by fueledbybooks



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because i fucking love Tommy, F/M, Tommy!Lives, season two rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:52:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3583605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fueledbybooks/pseuds/fueledbybooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver Queen had his fair trade of one night stands, but what happens when the one he doesn't remember is the most important one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Last night

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short i was listening to "Last night" by Good Charlotte and next thing i knew i had written a 1k word story draft. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I will be uploading part two very very soon.

   


 

The sound of the sharpening of his arrows calmed him; it was his happy place if you could say so. The cadence of it brought clarity and focus to the reality of the mission.

He was checking the edges of an arrow when his cell phone started ringing, putting the weapon aside he sighed and picked up.

“Oliver Queen."

“Well, well, what’s up with all that seriousness, buddy?” Tommy replied and the corner of Oliver’s mouth ticked up for a second.

“Haven’t you heard? I’m a grown up now. What’s up, Tommy?”

“Yeah, a grown up just like me.” Tommy chuckled. “I actually need to ask you a favour.” His voice turning lower and uncertain.

“Sure, what do you need?” He asked, putting his sharpened arrows away carefully.

“I kinda wanted to have a nice date tonight with Laurel, because It’s our anniversary and I was thinking that maybe you could take care of Verdant for me tonight...” there was a moment of silence. “ I totally get it if it’s too much to ask, I hope it’s not still very awkward for you, the whole Laurel and me situation.”

Oliver clenched his jaw. Playboy duties, great. He had grown accustomed to Tommy and Laurel being together, even if he knew deep down it still made a spark of jealousy towards Tommy because he could make Laurel happy in a way he never could or tried to. The things he’d change if he could go back in time…

“Oliver?” Tommy’s voice brought him back to the present.

“Yeah, sorry. Sure, no problem, Tommy. I’ll handle Verdant tonight. You go out and have fun.”

“Really? Great, man. I owe you one. Big time. Gotta get everything set for tonight, call me if you need anything!” And with that he hangs up the phone.  Oliver sighed again, putting his phone in his pocket before massaging his tired eyes with his hand.  
The show must go on, or so they said.

 

* * *

 

Oliver knew he was no longer the man from five years ago, what he didn’t know was that he had become something of the complete opposite, making it harder sometimes to maintain his charade. The loud bass of the music left an uneasy burden in his chest and the glaring eyes made him nervously touch his thumb to his middle and index finger in a circular motion. His skin tingled with over awareness, the muscles on his back tense and ready for any situation as he walked through the crowd of Verdant to get to the bar. A few girls threw saucy grins towards him, their intentions clear as they moved their bodies slow to the sound of the music. Oliver chose to ignore some, other he returned the grin because he was Oliver Queen, playboy extraordinaire and he should love the attention they were giving him when in truth it mostly made him feel dirty. Another sign of how much he had changed in these years.

“One scotch, please.” Oliver asked the barman for his drink.

“Here you go, Mr. Queen” The drink landed in front of him barely a minute after him asking it, perks of actually running a place like this.

Oliver quietly took a sip from his whiskey, enjoying the burning sensation it left on its path. He still had…four hours to go. He contained a groan. He should be on the outside fighting the people that had rotted his city, instead he was left dealing with teenagers who tried to get past security and drunken gazes. Diggle was suiting up for him tonight, he had mumbled his answer but he was still going to do it. He had just avoided being imprisoned for being the Hood and all went according to plan but he still had to keep his alibi, at least till he felt Lance was no longer breathing down his neck.

 

Oliver had just sat so he could watch the dance floor when he saw her, his hand with the scotch stopped midway to his mouth in astonishment. She was beautiful. Long locks of blonde hair framed her face; she was wearing a black and gold dress with a pattern that seemed like she had chains all around her body, legs that went on for days with black high heels. She’s a vision and Oliver has to force himself to tear his eyes from her walking form, which proves a difficult task because she’s headed to the bar and her hips are moving sinfully from side to side. Her breasts are the perfect size and Oliver can’t help imagining what it would feel like to palm them. He closes his eyes for a second as he breathes deeply, so much for his amazing self-restraint.

When he opens them again, she’s right there, only a few feet away from him. Oliver watches as she asks for a drink to the barman and tosses her hair behind her shoulder – even her shoulders are pretty, how is that even possible?-. She must feel the weight of his glance because she looks over to him, even if two people separate them it feels like they’re side to side. Their eyes connect and Oliver realizes she has blue eyes that stand out because of her smoky eye make-up. She smiles shyly and breaks their connection to retrieve her Martini from the bar.

Oliver makes himself look away from her; it takes him a full 5 seconds before he can manage that task. Drowning the rest of his whiskey he asks for another one before heading to the office, not sparing a glance to the gorgeous blonde nearby.

 

* * *

 

He can manage to break someone’s neck, run at top speed for a long time, and stitch his own flesh after getting out the bullets… but paperwork? Worst kind of torture.  Ever. And he had only been forty minutes in the office. How could a club have so much paper work to do? One would think that the only thing you’d have to sign was the alcohol’s bill. Passing his hand over his face he sips on his fourth glass of Whiskey. He should stop, but he can hold his alcohol for one more cup, plus, he needed it to loosen the headache that was forming in his skull.

Sighing, he decided to get some air, maybe call Diggle to see how everything is going.

Oliver slowly steps from the office, making sure to close the door, the last thing he needed was someone entering there. He makes his way downstairs where the night is in full swing, the club full of people having fun, something he can no longer remember how to do. Just as he was about to turn around towards the back door of Verdant, he sees her again.And how could he not? Her golden hair acting like some kind of halo. He’s rooted to his place as he watches her dancing, he should be ignoring her, moving on, that’s what he should be doing, definitely not looking at her with hungry eyes across the dance floor. Obviously he’s not the only one who notices her, he can see a few men glancing at her nearby, nearly drooling. His fingers twitch a bit involuntarily at the scene just as their eyes connect. The smile she gives him is no longer shy like the one in the bar, no, this one is a smug grin plastered on her face as she keeps dancing, bouncing and moving her hips from side to side following the beat of the music. Shit. He really needs to keep moving. He doesn’t need this right now, any of it, even if his dick thinks completely otherwise.

Just when he regained control of his legs, someone approaches her from behind, both hands on her waist and she tears her gaze from him. He instantly craves her eyes on him again. Oliver clenches his jaw as he watches how this funny looking dude gets closer to say something in her ear that makes her laugh but she doesn’t stop dancing. _Come on, man. Think of Diggle and the hood and the mission. Not the pretty girl, NOT THE PRETTY GIRL._ He repeats to himself and almost manages to believe it. Almost. The boy behind the blonde gets even closer, she smiles at him but Oliver can see her stepping away from him, his hold on her visibly tightens and now she’s visibly trying to get away from his hold. He only realizes he’s moving when her form starts getting nearer to him and doesn’t stop till he’s no more than three feet away from them.

“Get lost.” He says, looking straight to the boy behind her. His voice is low yet powerful so the man can hear him, his stance similar to the one he uses when he tells people they have failed the city. The boy looks surprised for a moment at his tone and turns to him, he’s about to talk, surely to insult Oliver. “Now.” He growls and takes a step towards them. Something must’ve shown on his face because the boy puts his hands in front of himself as he steps back before almost running away. Oliver follows him with his eyes before looking back to the girl. There’s a bit of amusement in her eyes but her body is tense. He tilts his head to the side, observing her.

“Are you okay?” he asks but doesn’t come near her.

“Yeah.” Her voice is soft and he can’t help but compare to what he imagines her skin feels like. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He replies. “Can I get you a drink? On the house.” He has to force himself not to flinch over his words, apparently his brain has fully disconnected from his rational part and he should really, really run away from this girl. He knows it even if his body takes a step forward as he screams to it to back the hell off. She smiles at him.

“Why not?”  she replies and they walk over to the bar in silence.

“Vodka martini?” He asks, remembering what she had been drinking earlier.

“Yes, please.” She says. He places the order and asks for another drink for himself. He hadn’t finished his fourth scotch so it didn’t count. “So… does saving damsels in distress come with the job description of being a club owner?” She asks, smiling at him before thanking the barman for her drink and taking a sip.

“You would be surprised with all the things that include being a club owner.” He isn’t surprised the girl recognizes him, probably every person in the place knew him. “Apparently huge amounts of paperwork are included too. I don’t get it.”  She laughs lightly at his words and he lets the sound sink into his skin.

“Well, you can’t have all the fun. After all, you’re a business man, even if it’s just a club.” She replies.

“Can’t I have both? Business and pleasure?” he says. He’s flirting and he doesn’t know how or if he wants to stop. Maybe to keep this charade alive he should fully commit to his playboy persona, yeah, that must be it. Her mouth parts and then she bites down on her bottom lip, his eyes follow the movement for a second before looking at her again.

“Only if you play your cards right.”

 

They spend the next half hour drinking, talking and their flirting intensifies after a while. He’s almost in her personal space, if he moves  less than a foot forward her breasts will be touching his chest. There’s this sinking feeling as the minutes pass by, the alcohol making his mind a bit fuzzy but he can’t find it in himself to care. Diggle is already home, he got a text from him and as soon as he read it, some part of him relaxed and stopped caring. The more she kept on laughing, the more he stopped fighting against it.  Sometimes she would touch his forearm while laughing, and that simple touch would set his nerves on fire, and it wasn’t even skin to skin contact. There was something about this blonde that made him feel… normal. Almost as if he really was just a man flirting with a pretty girl in a club.

 

Suddenly she finished her drink and got up from her seat, the action bringing her closer to him, he could smell her perfume. Oliver pressed his lips together, trying to hold on for dear life at the last excuses he had on his brain to not throw logic through the window.

“Wanna dance?” she asked, looking up at him. Even in her heels she only reached his chin.

“I don’t dance.” He said, his voice sounded a little too strained for his liking. She wet her lips with her tongue as in thought for a second before looking back at him. She leaned forward, her front brushing his.

“Okay.” The girl tilted her head to the side before slowly walking backwards a few steps, looking at him, her smile growing. Finally she turned around, and he could swear her step had this intentional extra sway to it.

She got to the dance floor and started dancing, her hands roaming her sides. Oliver closed his eyes for a moment, swearing under his breath. His heartbeat seemed to be in sync to the quick beat of the music, this was getting ridiculous. Oliver looked at her again, up and down. She had only been dancing for a minute, but there were already curious eyes looking at her. He clenched his jaw and turned his hands into fists.

“Fuck it.” He muttered to himself and walked over to the hot blonde.

 

He slowed when his front was pressed to her back, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders before sliding down to her hips. He saw her grin a second when she looked at him over her shoulder before pressing herself further into him. Oliver started swaying to the music, their movements in sync. A few seconds later she rested her head on his shoulder, he took advantage of the position and lowered his head towards the crook of her neck, brushing his lips on her skin. She shivered lightly and he smiled against her.

“I thought you didn’t dance.” She said, a challenge in her voice.

Oliver looked down at her, wide eyes looking back. He lowered his face to hers, inches separating them, the hand on one of her hips made its way to her belly, pushing her closer against his hardening member, a little moan escapes her lips and he grins down at her.

“You see… this is not dancing, this is foreplay.” He replies, it takes her a second to process his words before she closes the distance between them to kiss him. 

He responds automatically, his hand tightening on her hip and he tips his head to the side, deepening the kiss. Her hand came up and pressed the back of his head, keeping him close as if he was gonna get away any time soon.

Growing up, he was never a dude that enjoyed extended foreplay; he often cut right to the chase and left right after they were done. What he was doing here with this girl, grinding against each other slowly and kissing, it turned him in a way he hadn’t been in a long, long time. The dance kept going for what felt like hours, their pattern slow and hungry. She adjusted her hips and grounded herself impatiently against him; Oliver groaned and broke the kiss. They were both panting.

“If you give me a minute, we can get out of here.” His voice was low, a cadence not different from his arrow one but instead of anger there was pure unfiltered lust in his tone. The girl bit her lip before stepping out of his embrace; he missed her heat right away.

“You better hurry, then.” Her voice matching his.

Oliver hurried to the direction of the bar, stopping when he found Joe, the main barman.

“Joe, how would you feel to gain a generous tip in your salary if you close the club tonight and I sneak out early?” He said.

“I’d feel pretty great.” Joe said, clearly excited to get more money. Oliver didn’t waste time and he gave him the keys to the office and main doors.

“Be careful, Joe.” He said as he gave him the keys. Joe swallowed a bit in fear before nodding a few times.

Oliver turned around and headed for the girl waiting for him, his heartbeat racing when he saw her. He closed the distance between them, his arm snaking on her waist, hand laying on the curve where her back met her ass.

“Shall we?” he said, she nodded and they headed off the club in silence as they ignored the curious looks some people gave them.

They got in his car and Oliver drove off as soon as the engine was running. Neither of them spoke, there was no need, it was clear both of their intentions were in the same page. He drove fast to his penthouse as he could his mind a little foggy by the alcohol and her. By the time they got there, Oliver was nearly blinded by her presence; he didn’t even know that was possible.

Grabbing her hand, he led them to the elevator, where he pushed the button to his apartment with a little more force than necessary. He was about to turn to her when she pushed his chest, guiding him to the elevator wall. When his back hit it, her mouth latched itself on his neck, her hands slowly opening a few buttons of his shirt. Oliver’s hands land on her butt, bringing her closer to him as she plants open mouthed kisses on his neck and jaw. The ding of the elevator arriving breaks the spell for a few seconds and they step outside of it. Oliver opens the door to his apartment and has her against the wall before he even finishes kicking the door closed.

Their kiss is pure fire and lust, the only sound in the house is their mouths together and the sound of clothes hitting the floor.

Soon her dress lays next to his shirt, Oliver grips the back of her tights and she gets the message, jumping a little bit before hugging them to his waist making their centers grind against each other. Oliver groans on her neck as she seeks more friction with a movement of her hips. A thought occurred to him.

“I don’t know your name.” he says breathlessly. Old Oliver would be laughing his ass off at him right now, asking a girl’s name in mid foreplay.

She looks at him for two beats. “It doesn’t matter.” He’s about to speak when she kisses him while rotating her hips again, grounding herself against his erection and he doesn’t care anymore.

Oliver separated them from the wall and started walking towards his bedroom, putting her down on his bed before looming over her body. She bites her lower lip, her hands going under her, a second later she unclasps her bra, letting it fall somewhere on the side. His eyes instantly drop to the newly uncovered skin, his mouth follows suit, eliciting moans from her as his tongue circles her nipple before sucking lightly at it. His hand palms the other breast, pinching her nipple between his thumb and index finger. Suddenly her hand is touching him through his pants and he nips at her breasts in retaliation, pulling her more in the centre of the bed before lowering his body to hers.

Her legs are still hooked around him and she uses them to turn them around, usually he doesn’t enjoy very much this position but she’s a complete vision above him, her long blonde locks creating a curtain around her face as a grin appears there. She’s slowly undoing his belt, unzipping his pants but then quickly sneaks her hand bellow his boxer brief and squeezes his cock. Oliver’s hand fly to her hips as he groans but she’s moving way too soon off him to take the rest of his clothes off, leaving him on his elbows lying in bed. He looks as she crawls to him, kissing him deeply and then following a path down his neck, collarbone then takes her time licking and nipping at his abs. Oliver’s pelvis jumps a little when her tongue makes contact with his hipbone, she’s so close and he can’t take his eyes off her.

Then he can feel her breath across the skin of his member, he gulps in anticipation and she chuckles at him, the vixen. He’s about to tear her to him so show her anticipation when her tongue is on his tip. It’s too much, it’s not nearly enough. His elbows give up and he drops his head to the mattress. Her hand has closed on his cock now, slowly moving in a torturing pace. Her mouth joins her hand and he moans because it feels amazing, all his nerves are flaring and his blood is boiling. His hand founds her hair but doesn’t push her down; he lets her set the rhythm. She seems to appreciate it because she’s sucking on his head, tongue swirling on his tip before trying to take all she can of him inside of her mouth. She’s moving up and down, her movements gaining speed after a few seconds. Her hand is stroking what her mouth can’t reach and as she hollows her cheeks his hold on her hair tightens a bit. He’s way too close for his liking and he grips a bit at her shoulder, trying to lift her up before she ends him off but she doesn’t bulge, instead she lets him go deeper, and he can feel the back of her throat, her muscles fighting him but she can see her relaxing before she lets him go to breath.

“I’m close, please…” he’s not sure what he was about to ask her but as she her cheeks go hollow against him again he’s lost and groaning as he comes in her mouth. He can feel her swallowing and then licking what remains on him. Oliver’s breathing heavily as he comes down from his high, he opens his eyes not knowing exactly when did he close them and stares at her, a smug smile on her face, then she licks her lips as if she wants to get every last drop of him. He grabs her hand and tugs her to him, crashing his lips to hers, groaning when he can taste himself in her tongue. He turns them around so he’s once more above her before reaching out to her breast, sucking a path from her earlobe to her nipples. He stays there getting a few mewls out of her before continuing his path down her body. When Oliver reaches her panties, he keeps going down till he throws one of her legs over his shoulder; he can hear her breathing catching and he smiles. He presses kisses on the inside of her thighs, getting closer to her centre but then moving away again. He teases her more before she whimpers.

“Oh, come on!” She says and he chuckles at her honest outburst.

“What do you want?” Oliver asks her, his nose nuzzling the inside of her left thigh.

“You know what I want.” She replies, breathless. He gets a little closer to her centre.

“I want you to tell me. What do you want?” He asks, looking at her. Her hair is messy and her eyes are filled with desire. She looks perfect.

“I…” she breathes. “I want you to eat me out till I’m screaming.” She finishes with a bluntness he wasn’t expecting.

Lowering his head quickly, he mouths her through her panties and she moans, her hips rising and he hugs her legs to keep her in place. His tongue follows the endings of her panties at the sides, still teasingly. He can feel the wetness on the fabric and he feels a sudden need to actually taste her that makes him rush on his knees to take off her last item of clothing before resuming his position. He gives her a long lick, his tongue barely slipping through her folds and her hands tighten in the sheets. He does it again, this time applying more pressure, then with the help of his thumbs he spreads her lips open before sucking on her clit hearing her gasp. He continues to move his mouth in sucking motions before he brings a finger into her, her walls tightening against it, then another one. Her breathing is faster now, moans coming out of her more often and he can feel her holding back her reactions, so with his other hand he starts stroking his clit, making her hips jump before holding her down properly again. He keeps pumping fingers into her while his thumb moves diagonally over the bundle of nerves while still licking her. She releases a loud moan and he smiles against her pussy in victory, then curls his fingers inside of her helping her reach ecstasy, her walls contracting over his fingers.

Oliver crawls over her again and chuckles at her closed eyes and dopey grin, dropping a slow kiss in the crook of her neck, waiting for her to come back.

“You’re good at that.” She says, her foot touching the back of his thigh before hugging his waist with her legs, making his hardening member touch her still sensitive centre, both of them groaning in the process.

“You aren’t so bad yourself.” He replies.

“Let’s see if you’re good in this too.” Her legs are pulling him closer, leaving her intentions clear.

Oliver grabs a condom from his bedside table, she takes it away from him, putting it on him herself before pumping him twice, he slaps her hands away quickly before grabbing her thigh so they’re around him again as he enters her slowly.

 

His brain is shut down, his body making the decisions since he started dancing with her what feels like hours ago and he knows he shouldn’t be doing this, he should be focused on so many other things but as he hears her moans near his ear as his pace quickens he can’t help but not mind if they fuck themselves into oblivion.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 The first thing Oliver is aware of when he wakes up is this tremendous headache forming in his skull. Talk about torture. He groans and turns to his side, sighing deeply when he senses a weird perfume on his pillow and just like that flashes of flesh meeting flesh, furious kisses and amazing sex comes to his mind… but not her face, no. That’s something Oliver can’t remember. He opens his eyes, the other side of the bed already cold and he can’t help but feel relieved  - and a little surprised he didn’t notice her leaving - about that fact, he didn’t want to deal with another person right not, even more so with an orchestra using his brain tissue as tambourines.

He redundantly got out of bed, it was almost 10am. Well, the girl must be a really early bird. The girl. The girl whose face he couldn’t remember nicely, just the feel of his skin and the sound of her moans. He blamed in on the whiskey and the lust for making his mind foggy.

He took a shower and as he was drying himself he got a look of himself in the mirror, the look there made him stop. His lips were a bit swollen, there was a hickey on his collarbone, another on his ribs and turning away, yes, nail scratches on his back. The view should’ve made him proud, Ollie would’ve been but Oliver hated it, it made him feel hollow. Going back to his room, he took his cell phone, his brow furrowing when he saw that he had 3 missed calls from Tommy, two from Thea and four from Diggle. This made a hot flush of self-hatred run through him; he had been fucking a girl and then sleeping late when he was clearly needed. He had let his guard down, got drunk and slept with someone when he should’ve been on high alert. He was an asshole.

He called Thea first.

“Oh, thank God. Please tell me you’re coming to that business lunch with mom and Walter today, I won’t be able to cope otherwise.” She said as a greeting, his muscles relaxing now that he knew she wasn’t in danger.

“Sure.” He said, even though he had completely forgotten about the lunch. “What time should I be there?”

“Can you come in an hour?” she asked, hope in her voice.

“I’ll be there, Speedy.” He replied.

Next was Tommy.

“My buddy, how was Verdant’s night? I heard Joe is great closing up…” He says and Oliver closes his eyes for a seconds, he doesn’t want to talk about it.

“What can I say? The flesh is weak.” His voice was filled with fake smugness.

“I knew it, from what I’ve hear she was hot so congratulations.” Tommy replied and then proceeded to ask about Verdant. Oliver had to admire the dedication he had for the club.

Diggle was last.

“Hey Diggle, everything okay?” He said, glad he was finally talking to someone with whom he could be himself.

“Yes. I have information you might want to see, it’s about Bertinelli. Could be important .”

“Okay. I’ll meet you in half an hour.” He replied before hanging up.

Oliver’s hand came up to touch the hickey on his collarbone mindlessly as he walked through the house to make some coffee. A little piece of paper caught his attention on the kitchen’s counter, a small smile coming to his face. _Thanks._  Well, at least Oliver had chosen an educated blonde…

 

It takes him a while, and he curses himself for not being more aware but as he unlocks his cell, the image as a lock screen stops him dead on his track to the mansion. It’s a photo of last night. He doesn’t remember it, at all. That’s the first sign of trouble, but the worrying part is the happy look on his face. Oliver quickly opens his camera gallery to see if they’re more and a he can’t help but feel disappointed that the only photo that exists of last night is him smiling at the camera from his position, clearly under her with his hands on her creamy thighs. He looks sated and kinda happy, it makes his chest pang. Why doesn’t he remember this? Was he really that drunk? The pounding in his brain seemed to answer his question, bringing another wave of unfiltered self-hatred as he angrily deleted that photo from his cell phone and promises not to ever do something like yesterday again. Sure, he craved a future more than he’d like to admit, but that was not meant for him. He was destined to be alone. He has a mission to focus on, a list of people that need to be reminded this city isn’t theirs to do as they please. He came back from the island to change the future of Starling City, to ensure it has a future and he couldn’t keep doing stupidities like this if he wanted to succeed. With new conviction, he walked to the mansion. He was going to make his father proud. 

 

* * *

 

He’s not sure he can pull this off but he needs help and rumour is it she’s the best. Really, he needs help, because as a computer researcher, he’s a great archer.

She’s so immersed in her job she doesn’t see him so he clears his throat to catch her attention. She turns around, a red pen in her mouth.

“Felicity Smoak? Hi, I’m Oliver Queen.” He says.

“Of course.” She begins. “I know who you are, you’re Mr. Queen.”

“No, Mr.Queen was my father.” He politely says, there’s something about her voice…

“Right. But he’s dead, I mean, he drowned… but you didn’t, which means you could come down to the IT department and listen to me babble. Which will end… in 3,2,1..” she says and he’s smiling because she’s adorable. He admires her for a second before getting back to business.

“I’m having some trouble with my computer and they told me that you were the person to come and see.”  He puts the laptop on the side of her desk casually. “I was at my coffee shop surfing the web and I spilled a latte on it.” He manages to say with a straight face.

“Really?” She asks, fingers touching the computer.

“Yeah.”

“Cause these look like bullet holes.” Well, maybe the rumours were true and she really was way too intelligent for her own good.

“My coffee shop is in a bad neighbourhood.” He responds like it’s completely normal.

Felicity tilts her head to the side while she looked at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds; he had this… feeling about her. He wanted to trust her. But if her pink lipstick, glasses, and formal attire told him something, is that Felicity Smoak would not appreciate being in his world.

“If there is anything that you can salvage from it, I would really appreciate it.” He tells her and she slides away with her chair nodding at him.

Oliver smiles at her one last time and takes off.  
He had a city to save.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! [this chapter's polyvore.](http://www.polyvore.com/sin_t%C3%ADtulo/set?id=152774182)
> 
> PS. I know it's a bit unlikely for Oliver to get drunk and do something like this, but HUMOR ME OKAY!? THANK YOU. Love you all, and your reviews make me smile!


	2. Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
> 
> I'm overwhelved by your reaction to this story, thank you thank you thank you!  
> I gotta say, writing this was a bit emotionally draining for me, and life/school is kicking my butt again so it took longer to write. I'm really excited for you guys to read this, i'd really appreciate reviews about this, even if you hated it!  
> As usual, see any mistakes? Please let me know!
> 
> Without further ado, let the angst begin!

 

 

“Talk to me, Felicity.” He says over the comm while riding his motorcycle on full speed.

“Okay, turn to your right, then left. You should catch up with them there. Hurry tho.” She replies and he does what she says, it’s the way their dynamic works because now they’re a team.

It took some time to Oliver to get used to it. When he met her, he would’ve never thought that this tiny blonde was full of fire within her. He would’ve never thought that she’d join their team, and he would’ve never thought that she would stay even after Walter was found. He couldn’t say he wasn’t happy about it, they had found synchronicity on their night work and it suited them. They’ve been working faster than ever; they were becoming this well-oiled machinery of catching bad guys.

 

It all started that day when he against his better judgement he appeared on her backseat bleeding. He still doesn’t know what is it about her that made him trust her from day one, it doesn’t make any sense to him, but with Felicity nothing makes sense.

Some days he thinks it’s the way she babbles so honestly, even if she doesn’t mean to let it slip, his whole life has been built around lies and her truths set him free somehow.

Other days he thinks it’s her eyes that hold the same candour as her speech, blue pools of nothing but purity even through the shields she carries he can see it.

But most of his days he realises it’s just because she’s Felicity, and there isn’t another world in the universe that could describe her.

 

“You have failed this city.” He growls though his modulator at the bandits kneeling in front of him, it has become his saying, a daily reminder of the reason why he’s here. It keeps him focused.

They’ve been through so much in so little time. The undertaking had left them in poor ground, he had escaped to Lian Yu for five months because he couldn’t cope with having failed the glades and almost failing Tommy, saving him only last minute. It had been too much, but they went looking for him and he came back.

“Good job, boss.” Felicity says as he places his bow on its place, making him smile a little. She always does that, making him smile. She had told him she was proud of him for taking a new path to justice, trying not to kill people  and warmth had spreaded all over his chest from the inside out. He likes making people proud, he silently hopes everyday he’s making his father proud even if he wasn’t a great man, he was still his father and the reason he had started all of this.

“Thanks.” He replies.

“Remember tomorrow you have that big meeting with the board members, please arrive not so late.” Felicity says.

“They should wait for me, I’m the CEO after all.” He replies and Felicity just looks at him over her glasses. “Fine, I’ll do my best.”

 

* * *

 

“Roy left the arrow in the alley again.” Diggle informs him.

“Okay, I’ll pay him a visit tonight.” He says, not lifting his eyes from the paper work Felicity left for him. He absolutely hates it, but Oliver appreciates that she tries to avoid it the best she can unless it’s super important paper work.

“You gonna tell him someday? This kind of foreplay is getting old.” Diggle says and Oliver freezes but not because he’s thinking about telling Roy.

Suddenly his mind is filled with flashes of hot skin and blonde hair. It’s been too long since that night, and as best as he tried to repress it sometimes he remembers and he craves to go back… or to remember her face. The memories are starting to fade and it has this bittersweet feeling, he’s glad he’s forgetting but some days he just wants to find her again. Oliver doesn’t understand it at all. Sometimes he’ll stare at Felicity’s hair because it’s a similar shade of blonde to the one in his dreams but when that happens,  he closes his eyes and blocks it all away.

“No.” he replies, determination in his voice. Focusing again and Diggle leaves him alone thankfully.

 

That night he meets Roy and he tells him he got information about the leather-clad girl going around and saving people. Oliver turns around without so much as a goodbye, walking directly to his motorcycle.

“Felicity? Did you hear him?” he asks.

“Yes. It’s one block away from the precinct, the clock tower. That’s weird, who would live in a clock tower? Well, asks the girl talking from the vigilante’s dungeon under a club.” There a pause. “It is a really nice dungeon, tho.”

“Felicity.” He cuts her.

“Yep, shutting up now.”

“That would be of my preference, yes.” he says even though there’s a tiny smile on his face.

 

Less than five minutes later he arrives at the clock tower, carefully making his way up, he had a bad feeling about all of this.

“I imagined you wouldn’t give up.” Someone says and he aims an arrow to the voice.

“If you apparently know me so well, you should show yourself.” He replies. And the sound of footsteps getting closer could have never prepared him for the sight of Sara walking to him.

“Hi Oliver. It’s been a long time.” She says. His brain in filled with cotton and his ears are buzzing with this white noise. He can’t understand anything. He stays there, slowly lowering his bow but only because he no longer holds control of his body.

“Oliver? Everything okay? Oliver?” Felicity’s voice brings him back, a shaky breath leaving his lips.

“You were dead.”

“Like you were dead?” She asks, tilting her head.

“No, i… saw you die.” He says, now breathing in a more normal pattern.

“OLIVER! What’s going on?!” Felicity asks on his ear.

“I’ll go back soon. I’m okay.” He replies and cuts off his comm, he knows Felicity will use her loud voice with him later –which he has come to learn is a bit terrifying- but he can’t deal with two blondes at once. “I… you…” he struggles and he takes a deep breath.

“You got minions now?” Sara asks.

“No, I’ve got partners. And I should get back to them so you’re coming with me, you’re not leaving my sight until you explain me how is it you’re alive.”

  

* * *

 

A few days later, Sara was already a non-spoken team of Team Arrow, as Felicity liked to call them. As nice as it was having someone else helping him on their nights, Oliver was having trouble trying to get Sara to understand his new no-killing policy; she still had to understand there really was another way.

Then came Roy, with his inhuman super strength that paired with a suicidal instinct left Oliver no choice but to train him and in a moment of borderline panic, show him his identity. At first Felicity and Diggle had been unsure about Roy, Felicity had been the first one to warm up to him obviously. Roy would even sometimes joke around and call her mom, making her glare at him even though she was blushing.

 

 

It happens one day after he finishes doing his routine on the salmon ladder. He jumps down and in the middle of drying his sweat with a towel when Felicity talks.

“You’re good at that.” She simply says, as if he’s not about to change Oliver’s absolute universe. He stops breathing as the images flood him, her face suddenly coming clean and he’s not sure how to feel so he chooses to feel extremely angry.

“It’s was you…” he says, their eyes connecting and he can see exactly when Felicity gets the meaning, her eyes widening a bit and then all the warmness that he’s used to disappears from them. He feels like a stone has been planted in his chest, he feels so heavy as he stares at her in angry confusion.

“Diggle, could you leave us alone for a few moments?” She says, not taking his eyes off him. Sensing the tension between the two, Diggle just stares at them a moment before quietly going upstairs. “Oliver…” she stands from her chair once they’re alone.

“No! Felicity! How could you not tell me?” He yells. He’s lost in a cocktail of feelings; he doesn’t know what to do, so he reacts badly, because that’s what he does.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Now it’s my fault? You should remember what happened.” She’s using her loud voice.

“Well, I didn’t until now.” He takes a few steps towards her, not sure why and it scares him how closed off she is. Arms crossed on her chest, icy eyes.

“Well… good for you.” Felicity says and turns to leave, but he’s there grabbing her wrist, not letting her go.

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks, searching in her eyes the light he often borrows, the light he craves to see most days.

“Because it was nothing.” She says slowly, detached and his grip on her faltered, she took advantage and freed herself but didn’t walk away. Felicity sighed and looked back at him. “It didn’t mean anything then, it shouldn’t now. We’re partners; friends and we shouldn’t disturb that relationship. It’s something stupid that happened when we didn’t know each other, and I know neither of us wanted it to go on for more than that night… we should keep it that way.”

He’s numb. That’s the only way to describe his feelings; he just stands there watching her, not knowing what to do. Not like he ever knew what to do when it comes to her, she always kept him on his toes, but this fills his veins with ice as the realization hits him like a ton of bricks in the face. He cares for her, and some part of him never forgot that night. Knowing –Even though he suspects in some level he had an idea it was her- it was her, the images now painfully clear of her hot body under him, her dopey smile post orgasm, the trail of fire her hands left on his back, the literal marks she had left on his body. He wanted that, he realized. He wanted that with no alcohol whatsoever in his system and the thank you note replaced with a sleepy smile as they woke up. He closed his eyes tightly. He couldn’t do this, like she said, it couldn’t happen. They were partners and he wasn’t about to endanger the mission. _The mission comes first_ , he repeated as a mantra in his head.

“You’re right. We have a mission to focus on, we should stick to it.” He said, taking a physically painful step back in so many levels. “It was a long time ago anyways.” He swore if you listened carefully you could listen to the door of his mind close away the feelings. Felicity stared at him for a beat before looking at her shoes.

“Look, I don’t want things to be awkward… I mean, they could really get awkward, considering now you know the truth and…” She started, still not looking up.

“They won’t.” He cut her off, smiling for a second at her rant. “I’m actually impressed you didn’t babble it to me when I visited you in Queen Consolidated that time.” He tries to lighten the mood before the tension in the air crushes him.

“Well, believe it or not from time to time I manage to control some of the words that leave my mouth... So… still friends?” She asks hesitantly, his throat tightens.

“Yes.” He tries to seem relaxed and he might’ve succeeded because she nods with a small smile before walking off the foundry.

As soon as the sound of the door closing hits his ears, he lets out a shaky breath, the heels of his hands pressing against his eyes. What had just happened? He walks to the med bay and leans over it, hands on the surface. How should he feel? Sad? Angry? He hit the table and then knocked the stuff out of it.

“Okay, should I ask what happened?” Diggle’s voice startles him, first sign that he’s so out of his mind he’s not even paying attention to his surroundings anymore.

“No.” He simply replies and starts putting the things back on its place, trying to match this action with the thoughts in his head.

In the end, the med bay was left way more organized than his ideas.

 

* * *

 

 

 The first month after he finds out is not easy, they’re awkward with each other and he knows the team can notice, but they try to rebuild their friendship. Oliver’s flashes are worse than ever, she’s in his dreams now. He woke up more times than he can count in the middle of the night panting and a painful erection mocking him. But he tries to ignore it as best as he can, sometime down the line the presence of her in the back of his mind is something he gets used to.

 

“You know, you’ve been quieter lately. And for you that must be some kind of record because you’re not Chatty McChat.” Tommy says. “Someone could totally think that purple witch from the little mermaid stole your voice, you know? Not cool, nod if It did happen because I’m here for your voiceless you, pal. We just have to-”

“It was Felcity.” Oliver cuts him off, the words somehow set him a bit free. The huge ever-present amount of pressure in his chest lessening

“Felicity was what?” Tommy asks, frowning.

“The…” he’s not sure he can actually say it. Hell, he’s not even sure why he’s saying it in the first place. “Remember the night a long time ago you asked me to take care of Verdant?” he beings, begging his friend to get it. Tommy stares into nothingness for a few second, his eyes widen comically and Oliver knows he has pieced it together.

“Felicity was the hot girl!?” Oliver winces a little at the nickname, she was so much more than that. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he sighs. “This is great!” Tommy says and he looks at him like he’s grown another head. “What? You guys have already been together, now you just have to grow a pair and ask her out again.”

“Nobody is asking anyone out, Tommy.” He replies.

“Why?”

“Because she doesn’t want it… because we shouldn’t and it’s not safe. End of discussion” Oliver says.

“Bullshit.” Tommy says after a few beats, making Oliver clench his jaw. “That’s the biggest ton of bullshit of the century, my friend, and you know it.”

“Tommy.” Oliver started.

“No. Bullshit. Even a blind man can see how you two look at each other. Are you kidding me?”

“Tommy!” Oliver shouted and tried to calm down. “Nothing is going to happen because it’s not… right. We shouldn’t. Now drop it.” Tommy stares at him for a few seconds before scoffing.

“You risk your life daily without a problem but risking yourself to be with a girl you obviously have feelings for is out of the question. I can’t understand you.” He stands up and walks away from the couch. Oliver couldn’t help but think he was right, because sometimes he couldn’t even understand himself.

He knew he felt things for Felicity, but the mere thought of losing her because of her connection not only to the Arrow but to Oliver Queen made him nauseous. So he did what he had become a pro at doing, he pushed her away and closed off. He rather be unhappy and keep her safe.

 

One more month and he appears, Oliver fights hard not to shoot him right there with his mom present. Slade Wilson. The bastard was alive. “And I always keep my promises, Kid.” He had said, sending a shiver down Oliver’s spine.

Days later they find about the mirakuru effect, making his faith that they can defeat him almost vanish. The team try to encourage him and sometimes he feels like if his father had shot him in the head instead, everything and everyone would be in a better place.

He hears her come closer but doesn’t turn to face her; he’s in one of those mental states where he can’t stand looking at any of these people in the eye. Felicity puts a hand on his shoulder and he closes his eyes for a second, simply enjoying the warmth she gives him. Moments like these are beginning to not feel so awkward anymore, they’ve come far from that conversation and even though he realises his feelings are still there, it’s good to have her back as a friend, a partner.

“We’ll figure this out.” She smiles at him before going back to her computers and his heart constricts in his chest because somehow she always knows what he needs and it keeps surprising him. He looks around and sees his team, his friends who are working extra around the clock to help him figure out what to do with Slade. Some people think that after all he went through he has had a shitty life but moments like now make him realize he’s one lucky bastard.

Until he’s not.

* * *

 

 

He should’ve expected it, really, he should’ve seen it. Then, better yet, he wouldn’t have done it. It was this awful night, the storm outside not giving him a change to sleep. It wasn’t that every time there was a storm he would have trouble sleeping or doing things, but with all of the stuff going on in his brain he water falling down the sky was just another factor to his insomnia.

Footsteps sound around the foundry, he has his own penthouse and the mansion but he still chooses to sleep down here from time to time. The origin of the sound surprises him.

“Sara?” he asks frowning, making her look at him startled.

“Oh, hi Ollie. I didn’t see you there.” She’s on gym clothes, he notices.  “Can’t sleep either?”

“Yeah, can’t sleep.” Oliver replies and stands up finally from the cot,

“Wanna train?” Sara asks and Oliver looks at her questioningly because she’s obviously mad. “What? Are you scared?”

“Never.” He says, letting it go because she’s just like him and he knows better than poking around her problems.

They hit each other with sticks from an hour, stopping only to circle each other analysing the next move. When Sara stops walking, sighs and drops the sticks, he stops too.

“Are you-” he never finishes the sentences because her lips are on his own and he… he lets her. He lets her because he’s lonely, he lets her because he kinda wants to see if he can get over these feelings that are rotting him inside out, he lets her because he craves human contact and he lets her because he’s tired. He doesn’t fight it, instead he drops the wooden sticks and puts his hands on her hips, getting her closer to him. This isn’t about them, Oliver can feel it in her kiss, and this is not about wanting to be with the other person. This is two people seeking comfort wherever they can find it. This is completely desperate.  In the back of his mind he know that he should stop, he could enumerate the list of things that are wrong with this, from the lack of spark on their lips to the way her hair is just the wrong shade of blonde he wants to tangle his fingers in.

He doesn’t stop though, and neither does she but when they are part of the same masochist lifestyle, they go to the only source of comfort they think they deserve, which is someone as broken as they are. They both know too that as soon as this finishes both will take separate ways.

 

In the end, Oliver should’ve known. In the end, knowing it’s not enough. It takes him exactly two minutes after Sara leaves the foundry to feel guilty about it. The cot smells of sweat and sex, it’s faint but he recognises it and it makes him want to cry. He’s so fucked up he doesn’t even know how he’s holding up. So again, he does what he does best… he lets himself lose control for a minute, barely breathing as a tear falls down his face before recollecting himself, hiding it all away in a safe box in the back of his mind. He then stands up from the bed, because if he couldn’t sleep before there was no chance in hell he would sleep now.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s almost two weeks after that night with Sara, almost two weeks of Oliver almost forgetting it ever happened. But that’s his word, right? He almost didn’t make it, he almost forgot, he almost told her, he almost was happy, he almost wasn’t so irreparably broken, he almost deserved to live a life. Yeah, that’s his word.

They’re working on a lead about Slade; there are some photos of him with a girl from some company and they’re tracking her to find out where she lives and when is her next move.

“Okay, she’s going to the Charity Gala this Saturday, luckily for us Oliver was invited too.” Felicity says.

“Good. You can work her with that charm of yours, I know for a fact that your old playboy skills are still intact.” Sara says, he freezes as he looks at her, her goofy grin in place.

“Well, you know what they say. You can take the boy out of playboy but you can’t take the playboy out of the boy.”  Felicity says, her joke fake to his ears, he has to fight not to wince at the sound of it. He looks at her now, her eyes dim and closed off, a sight he never wanted to see again in his direction. His throat closed without warning, he was so confused. It was both of their decisions that brought them here; he could still hear her words that day, a pang appearing on his chest. So why was she closing off? They held gazes for a couple of seconds but her control faltered for a moment and he could see that he had hurt her somehow. Oliver sighed and turned around to the training mats to work the sudden rush of guiltiness and shame he felt. All this was completely wrong. He kinda regretted his night with Sara but not because of Felicity, but because of himself. Because of how crappy it made him feel afterwards, the way the hole in his chest had only gotten bigger. He stopped in front of the training dummy.

“I’ll be ready attending to that Gala.” He stated, his tone giving away nothing. Oliver didn’t bother looking up, he just started hitting the dummy angrily, his mind welcoming the simple task to focus on instead of the cocktail of feelings he faced once again.

 

 

His body was getting rid of the adrenaline of the situation, making him tired and sleepy as he stared at some point far away in the back of the foundry waiting for Sara to finish stitching Felicity’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” he asks for the billion time, he wants her to have the best treatment. The idea of their mission leaving a permanent scar on her makes him shiver. She was so close to that bullet hitting somewhere important, and he had no idea. The last couple of days had been weird again, they weren’t talking like they used to and that’s how they ended up here.

“Hm-hm. You guys never go to the hospital. Besides, Dig give me some of those aspirins… are you spinning?” she replies groggily. Oliver looks at Diggle at his left, who has this small smile on his face.

“Aspirins?” he ask-whispers to him.

“Oxycodone.” He replies, making Oliver laugh silently.

“I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t been so brave.” Sara says. “Thank you.”  

Now that the anger has subsided he can’t help but feel pride at Felicity, she really was brave.

“It was nothing. I always wanted to say I’ve taken a bullet for someone and now I can. So really I should be thanking you.” She slurred her words.  She’s so adorable –And she scared him so much- Oliver wants nothing more than to turn around and hug her close to him.

“All done. Not bad, but you’re still gonna have a scar.” Oliver sighed deeply at that sentence.

“My own scar. Yay” Felicity replied.

Oliver approached her as he crossed his arms across his chest. “You alright?”  Felicity nodded at him, even drugged her eyes still held that wall, separating them.

“Diggle had mentioned that maybe you were feeling a little left out…” he says, the words strange to him. Because where would they be if she wasn’t here? As soon as he heard, he couldn’t fathom how Felicity could ever think she was not part of this mission and even more important, a part of him. Without her, he was convinced he wouldn’t been the man he was today.

“What?” Felicity says, panic in her eyes. “No… I’m just… used to being your girl.” The words spread warm in his chest. “I mean, not your girl, girl… your girl.” He can’t help but smile at her groggy babble as he ignores the part of him that keeps imagining her really being his girl. “I know it sounds like the same word but it means something different in my head.”

Oliver cups her cheek with his hand and she leans the tiniest bit against it, he takes this as a good sign. His skin tingled where he touched her and he realised he couldn’t remember the last time they touched.

“Hey.” He whispered, she was giving him her full attention and he out of the blue decided to take a chance. “You’ll always be my girl, Felicity.”  He finishes, smiling shyly at her and just like that the wall disappears, the sadness in her eyes make him feel like he’s drowning, his throat closes up as he stares at her. He hates the sadness he sees and in one minute his mind is looking for a thousand ways to make it disappear, but he’s too late because her eyes fall to the floor, making their skin loose contact, his hand hovers over her a moment before slowly falling down.

“Yeah…” she says, her voice a little breathless. When she looks up, she’s staring at Diggle. “Can you give me a ride home?”

 

His heart meets the floor.

 

* * *

 

 

If anyone asks Oliver when exactly it all went to hell, he would reply the exact moment he learned Slade Wilson was alive, but technically it started when he saw the crying face of her sister on TV. It only got worse when he saw in under the lights of the police station as she rightly proclaimed them liars to his and his mother’s face, the hole in Oliver’s chest turned into a huge void of darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.

The foundry was chaos, after Slade found his way in it didn’t feel the same. Oliver found himself with a distinct lack of home. His penthouse was colorless, the mansion hadn’t been his home for years and the foundry was filled with tension at all times. He wandered the streets of Starling and more times than he’d cared to admit he’ll just stop in the front of Felicity’s apartment, making sure she was okay and just watch the light filter through her curtains. It gave him this weird peace.

 

The next time he feels his void clenching around his chest is the same moment he first stares at lifeless eyes of his mother. He can’t move, he knows he begged and cried at Slade to kill him, to choose him. At the end of the road he knew it was all he ever wanted, to protect the ones he loved even if it meant giving up his life, and he failed even at that. He spent the next days frozen in time, one minute he was headed to his mother’s funeral, the next he was sitting in this apartment he kept secret, in the darkness.

He kept trying to find a solution to all of this, a hole in the plan of Slade that lead only to his despair. He tried for so long and he couldn’t. His mind constantly going back to one thought: he had to die to end this. As soon as he realized that, his mind became foggy as he accepted his fate. He was in peace by the time they got there, only functioning in autopilot.

“It ends tonight.” He states, his voice sounds tire but sure.

“How?” Felicity asks.

“I turn myself over to Slade. I end this vendetta.”

“Oliver, you think this ends with you turning yourself over to Slade?” Diggle says.

“Yes, I do.” He feels so numb, he just wants all of this to end. “After she was gone, he told me that one more person had to die.” His eyes land of Felicity, lingering in her beautiful face. “And then it would end. This ends for Slade when he kills me.”

“I don’t accept that, you shouldn’t either.” Felicity moves closer to him, a pleading look on her eyes. “You can’t just accept things, Oliver. If I had accepted my life, I would be a cocktail waitress in Vegas like my mother and I never would’ve gone to college, I never would’ve moved two thousand miles away to work at Queen Consolidated and I never would’ve believed some crazy guy in a hood when he told me I could be more than just some IT girl… Please don’t do this.” She begs, searching in his eyes. He wants to agree with her, he wants to show her whatever she’s looking for in him but he’s sure he has nothing left inside but pain and poison.

“Felicity…” Her name makes the ache a little more bearable. “Someone once told me that the essence of Arrow is to die so other can live.”

“It’s not that simple, Oliver.” Diggle says.

“Yes, it is. Slade’s whole plan was to take everything from me.” He says. “He killed my mother, hurt my sister, he…” His glaze falls on Felicity for a second more before looking at some point behind her. “I can’t let him take anymore. He wins. All that’s left is for me to die.” Oliver turns to go but a hand gripping his stops him, the tiniest of sparks impacting his nerves.

“No, there has to be another way. Oliver, I know that we talked about this, but about that time-” She starts.

“I know.” He simply says, turning back to take a look at her. He no longer cares if Diggle is in the room, he just stares at her with his eyes open and she does the same. He enjoys the seconds of pure honesty between them. “There isn’t.” He finishes and turns around, holding her hand until the distance is too great and the warmness if officially away from him. Step by step he goes up the stairs to find Slade and fulfil his destiny.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re in the foundry making the final plans for the big fight. They somehow convinced him that giving himself up was not the way. Nyssa arrived with assassins from the league and he was about to have a mental breakdown when they said they came here to help. The plan was basically to attack his fortress from all sides, now with their numbers up they had more hope in winning. From there Oliver would engage him in a fight while Deadshot (courtesy of Amanda Waller) tried to shot him with the bullets they’d managed to fill with the Mirakuru cure.

It was a tight enough plan, but Oliver didn’t held any hope that he would survive enough for Deadshot to achieve that shot, but that didn’t matter to him. He only wanted everyone else to make it.

“Okay, so, let’s go through this one last time, shall we?” Diggle says. The foundry is a bit crowded with Nyssa and the people she brought but they circle stand in silence as Diggle speaks.

Felicity is standing next to him; he can almost feel her heat. Things have been… fragile for them lately, no that they had any time to think about themselves, because Slade was taking all of their time, but for Oliver it was a given fact that he was in love with Felicity Smoak. So much. He takes a minimal step to the side, getting closer to her and if she realizes, she doesn’t show. His heart is beating erratically both from the imminent fight and the indecision about how to approach her.  Finally he takes a deep breath before reaching out his hand. He moves slowly, no sudden movements as if not to alert the rest of the people in the foundry that are listening to Diggle. His index finger is extended to her, reaching slowly. Her hand twitches a little when his finger hooks around her pinkie one, that’s the only indication he receives for seconds but she doesn’t let go and he sighs in relief. He’s looking down at the floor, trying to grab all the comfort she provides from this simple touch, knowing soon he’ll have to let go. Her pinkie loosens around his finger before moving so two more fingers are tangled with each other. He looks at her now, Felicity slowly turns to him and they look at each other. The world stops around them, maybe it’s the desperation but this is them slowly giving in, at least for this moment.

“Okay, people, let’s do this.” Diggle’s voice cuts through their bubble and they abruptly step away from each other, Felicity looks around but no one seems to have noticed them. He heads to where his bow is, adjusting his quiver more securely on his back, making sure he has some arrows with the cure just in case he can make a shot. Then it’s time to leave, and it surprises him he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t want to die, and he finds the reason standing near the computers. It hits him like a ton of bricks in the face, he has been wandering for so long and now he has a reason to keep living. He doesn’t want to give up. He turns to look at her before climbing up the stairs and they look at each other again. Felicity nods at him, telling him it’s okay, that they’ll make it.

He wants to believe her, he wants so desperately for her to be right so when all of this ends… he’ll come back to her and never let go.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been two weeks since they won the battle, somehow. The memory is blurry because everything happened so fast, but suddenly as Slade was beating him he tripped backwards, hand coming to cover his shoulder for a second before coming back to fight against him. Oliver could feel the lessening strength of his punches and relief flooded him. It wasn’t long before Slade was in the floor gasping for air as the drug made his way into his system, rendering him useless and then unconscious. The deal with Waller had been to give her Slade so she could lock him in a cell they’d made in Lian Yu. Oliver simply had to watch it for himself, the destroyer of his world for such long weeks being locked away in a place so far away and it had been enough for a while.

 

Now he sat in his bed looking at a picture of the Queen family from an eternity away in his new apartment because he had had to sell the penthouse to have access to the extra money after losing the company, choosing a smaller place instead. It had also been two very lonely weeks with her sister gone and the whole team taking a break to recover from the chaos Slade had left. Oliver found that the hole in his chest had never ceased to grow and exist, and in nights like this after just coming back from visiting Moira Queen’s grave… he had never felt so alone, he felt as if he was back on the island again. The facts are that even after all she did, he misses his mom and not having his sister only makes it worse. For fuck’s sake, he doesn’t even know where she is, he left her millions of messages and no reply. Oliver sighs in frustration as the other piece of truth appears. He misses her. He misses his best friend. He misses Felicity. After what happened that night, they haven’t talked about it, with him flying to Lian Yu and then coming back to try to get a hold on his life they haven’t even seen each other. He knows she’s fine because she texts some days or Diggle tells him over the phone. His chest constrict as he thinks of her face and her warmth. Her warmth. He’s so cold and lost right now, he’s completely losing it.  Felicity Smoak was the most real and pure thing in his life. She is soft and… She’s just Felicity. Knowing her let him know she really owns her name, bringing happiness to everyone she meets.

 

They haven’t had a decent talk in months and he misses the days when they used to talk to each other, when she would babble about her day and he’ll just listen with a smile on his face. Then realising she was the girl from that night, the night he could never really get out of his head. Even now some memories are seared into his brain like how soft her skin was and the noise she’d made when he kissed the base of her throat.

There was this constant heaviness to missing someone in which your chest no longer works like it used to due to the constricting feeling. Where your traitor brain would remember the most random things about that person, like how she'd twirl her earrings  as she read something on the screens, or how she strictly would eat her fries first before eating her hamburger. Oliver had come to the point of missing her so fiercely he no longer could ignore it, and he had trained for 5 years to ignore himself and go on. 

He keeps staring at the picture for a few beats more before leaving it on his bedside table, sighing. He’s done. He’s done missing people. He can’t tolerate this heaviness anymore.

Next thing he knew it was almost midnight and he was knocking on her door, he knew she was awake because the light was still on. Sudden nerves hit him, making his stomach turn inside of him. He hasn’t seen her in almost two weeks, what if she changed her mind? What if he’s too late? What is she’s with someone? The door opens to a comfy looking Felicity in black leggings and a grey tank top, her hair down. He has never seen something so beautiful. It’s crazy how he missed her even more now that she was in front of him. Oliver stood there frozen looking at her, drinking her in.

“Oliver, what’s wrong?” She asks and he notices that coming uninvited at nearly midnight isn’t normal but he doesn’t care, he needed to see her.

“Hey, nothing. Can i… can I come in?” He asks, cleaning his throat.  She hesitates lightly but then moves to make space for him.

“Sure. Come in.” she says.

Oliver has never seen her apartment from the inside, so he stops a moment to look around. Splashes of colour make him smile, this is exactly what he would expect for her apartment to look like… homey.

“So... how have you been?” She asks hesitantly, making him look back at her. She’s safely away from him and it makes his smile falter.

“Okay… and you?”

“Well, new job sucks. It made me find out that there’s no limit to the amount of times I can say “Have you tried turning it on and off?” in just one day. Which let me tell you, it’s a lot.”

“Sorry about that.” He says, and he really is.

“No, it’s okay. It’s a job till we make you emperor of the world again.” There’s this certainness on her voice that reaches to his insecurities and makes them vanish in a way only she can manage. “But… did something happen? Why have you come all the way here?” she asks, naturally. Oliver finds himself with not knowing where to start. He was so focused on getting here he didn’t even think about what he’d say so he takes a breath and says the first thing it comes to mind.

“I miss you.” The world stops, her eyes widen a little bit and she looks at him before looking down, playing with her tank top.

“Oliver…” she starts.

“I miss my best friend.” He says, the words leave him lighter as they go but not before the reality of the situation and his words crush him all over again. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I miss you and these weeks have been awful.” Suddenly he feels so tired, the fight he has been keeping up draining him almost completely. “It’s been months since we’ve had a decent talk and I miss talking to you. We used to be as easy as breathing, Felicity.” He passes a hand through his hair as she looks at him silently. “I’ve had this hole in my chest since the day we first fought after I found out, and it took me a while to realize that it was you I missed, but I did. You have no idea how much. With my sister somewhere and my mother gone all I wanted to do was knock on your door and talk to you but then life happened and I didn’t have the guts to come over here and try to fix whatever happened to us but I can’t lose you too, Felicity. I can’t lose my best friend.” He says, looking at her, pleading. She takes a while to reply, but when she does her voice is a powerful whisper.

“We were never friends, Oliver.” He feels like she’s punching him in the stomach multiple times. And for a minute he’s doesn’t know what to do but he’s come over here to finally fight for her, he’s not giving up this easy.

“We were, Felicity. Fuck it, we really were. Me knowing that you’re it for me doesn’t change the fact that you were and are my best friend.”  It comes out in a rush and he doesn’t stop as he watches her surprised expression. “After I found out you were the girl from that night everything made sense suddenly, you know? How I looked at you and just knew I could trust you, how your voice made my nerves go on fire. After I found out I couldn’t sleep without dreaming about that night, you were there all the time, Felicity. You still are. I… I thought that maybe… when I heard you say that we should just leave it there, that nothing else should happen I thought that maybe you were right, that the mission was more important and that being with me would only complicate things for you in so many ways. Now that I think about it only one of those remains true. You being with me would only bring you trouble, it could hurt you, hell… you already have a scar on your shoulder. But the rest? The rest is pure bullshit, Felicity. And I can’t fathom for a second how I could ever think there was anything more important than you.”

“You can’t say those things, Oliver. You don’t really mean them, you wouldn’t have slept with Sara otherwise.” Her voice holds no poison, she talks as if she’s tired too and she’s merely stating facts but it only makes him angry. How can she not see it?

“Sara? Sara was a mistake from one night.” He replies, stepping closer.

“Oh, a mistake from one night? Like I was?” she asks him.

“That’s not fair, I didn’t know you back then. But even that night I knew there was something about you. I’m so tired of fighting it, Felicity. So tired of missing you even when you’re in the room, so tired. Because Felicity, I know how I feel. I’ve known for a while now… And Sara, Sara was safe. Sara was the comfort I could find that night but that didn’t mean anything. I felt like shit afterwards and I make mistakes, like you make mistakes. Because I’m only this human, but I’ve realized that I’m your human, Felicity. I don’t function properly without you in my life, I just don’t. When Slade threatened to murder someone I care about, you know who came to mind first?  You, Felicity. Not my sister, not Laurel, not Sara. You. I panicked when I realized I could lose you… what I didn’t think about is that I had already lost you. And when I wanted to talk to you or just hear you babble about your day and you weren’t there?” He shakes his head at the memory, hand in his chest because it’s harder to breathe now. “I lost it. Then I figured out i’ve been lost since that fight and it drove me mad. Because, Felicity? You want the plain cold truth? I’m in love with you, I’ve been in love with you for months and it scares the shit out of me.” His voice breaks a little at the end and he realises he’s crying, he wipes the tears and looks at her again. “I didn’t come here to ask you to reciprocate my feelings, no. I came here tonight because I missed you and it spiralled out of control.” He sighs. “What I want is to sit with my best friend and talk. So, please, please, can I get my best friend back?” He finishes.

“I…” She starts. “It scares me too.” The meaning of her words hit him and he eliminates the distance between them, a new intensity in his eyes. Slowly he cups her cheek like that night but as soon as he touches Felicity, her walls crumble. He steps even closer when a sobs escapes her lips, softly caressing her with his thumb.

“Hey, it’s okay to be scared.” He says and his heart grows bigger as she leans into his palm, gripping his forearm and stepping closer so their chests are brushing together.

“Since when are you the wise one?” she teases through her tears and it makes him smile.

“I learned from the best.” He replies.

“These past weeks have been awful for me too.” She says and the distance between them feels still too great so he hugs her to him, crushing her to his chest as her arms go around his waist. Oliver plants a few kisses in her hair, comforting her as she cries before resting his cheek on the top of her head.

“I know.” He replies, because he knows how it feels and he sure doesn’t want to feel like that ever again.

“No, you don’t.” She backs away a little but he doesn’t let her go too far away. Felicity looks at him before burying her face on his sweater, making her words muffled by it but he still hears them and he freezes. Oliver moves her so he can touch her chin, making her look at him this time. He can barely contain his smile.

“Say it again.” He begs and she looks at him, a smile answering his own.

“I love you too.” Her tone is so light he doesn’t know how it carries the weight of her words. It took them so long to get here but he can’t find it in himself to regret how they came together. He frames her face with his hands, looking at her beautiful open eyes and the hole in his chest practically vanishes under the love they show.

“I love you, sorry it took me so long to fight for you.” He whispers and nuzzles their noses together, she smiles.

“I love you too. Sorry it too me so long to stop being afraid.” She replies, carefully at first putting her hand over his chest. They look at each other and this is it. This is officially the moment where they give in. Felicity’s hands clench around his shirt as she looks at him before closing the distance. This kiss is nothing like that night; it’s slow and explorative, almost shy. Oliver smiles into the kiss before hugging her more tightly to him. Felicity takes her advantage and passes her tongue over his bottom lip lightly, making him groan. He spent long days dreaming about movement like this and now they’re real. Oliver sighs into the kiss as it deepens, moving one hand to her hair as the other sneaks under her tank top low on her back. Her lips and skin are washing him from his sins and his loneliness, shining in the darkest rooms inside of him. He’s finally seeing the light and it’s not blinding, it’s warm, gentle and soft just like her.

He’s pressing her against the back of the couch as the kiss takes another rhythm, he can almost hear the orchestra playing their music in crescendo as he tangles his tongue with hers in a firey dance.

“Bedroom” she mumbles against his mouth and he slows the kiss down. They’re both panting when they open their eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asks, because he doesn’t wanna fuck up this for nothing in this world.

“Yes, I’m sure. I want you, Oliver. Let’s see if you’re still good at that.” She teases, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape if his neck. He grins at her, his hands going lower on her body roaming her ass before hauling her up so she can hug her legs around him, then peppering kisses under her jaw and neck.

“Lead the way, Smoak.”

 

It takes them a little longer to fall into bed because he decides to push her against the wall next to her bedroom, at this point her tank top and his sweater are somewhere on the floor, hands everywhere they can find. Even in this desperation he can notice the difference from that night. She’s more vocal and he cherishes every moan and mewl that escapes her mouth.

When they do make it to the bed, they are quick to get rid of the rest of their clothes. He’s hovering over her as they kiss, her hands roaming over the expanse of his back. He trails his mouth down her neck and stops on her breast for a moment, liking the curve of them as his hands keep going down to her core. Her breathing catches when his fingers circle her clit lightly before slipping through her folds.  
“So wet.” He says against her neck, sucking his mark on her collarbone as he slips on finger inside of her slowly, her hips trust up and he presses his body down on her to keep her from moving.

“I see you’re still good at that, then.” She’s biting her bottom lip and he chuckles, pumping her. He leans to bite her lips himself, putting another finger and his thumb teasing her clit.

“You have no idea.” He replies, his voice throaty. His pace increases as he feels her walls tightening; he’s now looking down at her. Her eyes are closed as she falls apart with a final flick of his thumb over her clit and he just hovers there, looking the ecstasy leak from her. A sudden rush of happiness hits him in the chest as she looks back at him still trying to control her breath. Oliver leans down, their lips brushing lightly. “You’re beautiful.” He says and she smiles. It feels like they’re creating their own brand of kisses with meaningful messages behind and he loves it, he loves the powerful connection they have.

Her hand closes over his erection and he hisses, pressing their foreheads together.

“No.” he says and she looks at him confused. “I want you.”

“Condom?” she asks and he closes his eyes in defeat because he hates himself, not the usual hate, this is a very manly kind of self-hatred. He feels her nipping his bottom lip and he opens his eyes. “Don’t worry. Bedside table, first drawer.” He breaths in relief.

“Thank God.” He says and she laughs. Oliver smiles and peppers her face with kisses, making them both laugh. Sex has never been this way for him, a place where he can laugh and his nerves still be on fire. He likes the change.

He quickly rolls down the condom over his length and crawls back to her, in his way kissing her bent knee, her hipbone and lastly her lips. Felicity’s hands dance on his back and then she’s grabbing his ass, pushing him closer to where she wants him. The skin contact makes them both hiss, he’s in her entrance and he stops.

“Felicity, look at me.” He asks, cupping her face. Emotions are running high on both their eyes. “I love you.” He tells her when she looks at him, she leans over to him to kiss him.

“I love you too, now get inside of me.” Her voice is sultry and he might as well burst into flames right now. With one final brutal kiss, he’s slipping inside of her.

His mind goes fuzzy as his hips piston against hers, the only sound of skin on skin and moans.

 

It doesn’t take them too long to reach bliss, but he doesn’t care because he’ll do anything in his power to remain by her side. He’ll do anything in his power to keep hearing his name being moaned out of her mouth as she falls apart for the rest of his life.

Now as they lay sated in bed, her head on his chest and legs tangled together he realizes it.

After long years away from it, Oliver Queen has finally reached home.

 


	3. Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my my. I can't thank you people enough for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and everything else! I wanted to upload sooner but the uni is kicking my ass and i kept posponing it, i'm sorry for that and i hope the wait is worth it for you! I can't believe im finishing this, really. It was super super fun to write and this chapter is full of fluff because we need it in these dark dark times. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> You can yell at me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/fueledbybooks) !
> 
> PS: See any mistakes? Let me know! :)

 

 

 

 

His arms weren’t comfortably warm anymore, that’s the first thing he notices this time and it makes him open his eyes rapidly.  Felicity is sitting on her side of the bed, her back to him, wearing what seems to be his shirt. A pang of possessiveness roars through him for a moment before he notices her posture. Her shoulders were slumped, her breathing deep and she’s very, very quiet. Some of Oliver’s most deep fantasies started with them waking up curled against each other, and the deep disappointment and fear he felt right now over whatever made Felicity’s body curl into herself made it hard for him to move.

Slowly, Oliver sits in the bed, the sheet falling from his chest into his lap and carefully so he doesn’t scare her, he slides closer to her, one leg curled and the other stretched behind her, positioning him beside her. Her expression was stoic but her blue eyes were stormy.

“Hey” he says softly and leans down to kiss her shoulder, Felicity’s eyes slide shut and he’s trying hard not to panic. “Felicity?” she sighs.

“You know what my first instinct was when I woke up?” She starts. “To get up and leave, like that time…” He’s trying hard to keep looking at her when all he wants is to hug her close and ask for her forgiveness for being who he is, for loving her and asking to be loved in return when he clearly doesn’t deserve her. “I thought that maybe I wasn’t ready for this. I mean, I was a mistake then, who says it couldn’t be just like with Sara?”

“I’m not in love with Sara.” He whispers, the undercurrent of his words silently pleading her to understand. Felicity turns her head and looks at him; in this position they’re almost at the same height. She looks so insecure and it breaks his heart so much. Oliver reaches and curls a strand of hair behind her ear before placing his hand on her cheek, his thumb caressing just below her bottom lip. “Felicity…” he’s never been good with words and he doesn’t know how to make her understand. “For me this is very simple.” He grabs her hand and places it where his heart is. “With you I feel safe. This feels right.” He caresses her forearm. “And I intend to make you feel as safe and loved as you make me feel for as long as you’ll allow me to.” Her thumb moves slowly from side to side at the same time of his heartbeats.  
“Are we really doing this?” She asks.

“Only if you want to.” He replies. _Please, God, please._

“Can we… can we keep this to ourselves for a while? Would that be okay?” Felicity says, her knuckles sliding over his jaw.

“Whatever you need.” He leans into her touch as he holds her gaze. “I just want you to know I’m not going anywhere. This is where I want to be.”

“Really?” she asks, a small smile on her face.

“Not going anywhere else.” He smiles at her reassuringly.

“Well, that’s a shame because I’m moving to the kitchen to make pancakes. Have fun not moving.” She teases and starts to stand up but doesn’t get too far before Oliver drops her back on the bed, hovering over her and pokes her side making her squeal. He grins.

“I love you.” He tells her against her lips, feeling her growing smile.

“I love you too.” She whispers, hands caressing his arms and shoulders.

“Pancakes with syrup?” he asks, moving to kiss her jaw and neck.

“Yes.” She squirms when he releases a long breath, making Goosebumps erupt on her skin. 

“Hmm… I have some brilliant ideas for the syrup later and if you’re good I’ll even share them with you.” 

* * *

 

They agreed to keep it quiet for a while till they were more confident about it. Well, at least till Felicity was because Oliver knew this was it for him. Her doubt in them was his fault and it made him feel so guilty. They had spent all the day in her apartment just enjoying themselves, going from bed to the living room then back to bed and an especially memorable shower. He was happier than he had been in months, hell, in years and he couldn’t stop touching her which would obviously a problem to their plan but he wasn’t thinking about it now as they ate and his hand laid on her tight.

Every insecure smile Felicity gave him he tried to vanish, with his kissing, his touching, sometimes his words or simply by smiling at her with confidence. The domesticity of it all hits him like a ton of bricks and he knows he’s getting scarily ahead but he can already see them living every day like this and maybe one day adding little boys and girls with blue eyes, smart mouths and an ability to get themselves in trouble. His heart was flooded by so much love at the picture.

“Oliver Queen sporting a super dopey grin, I better take a picture, Digg will want evidence.” Felicity’s voice takes him back to the present, her hands barely able to close over her phone before pulling her to him almost in his lap making her squeal in surprise.

“Then you’ll have to explain why I am shirtless in your house and we don’t want that, do we?” Oliver says and Felicity snorts at him.

“You’re always shirtless, Oliver. At this point I think he’ll be more impressed if I take a photo of you with your clothes on.”

He chuckles before kissing her shoulder and then her neck.

“Hey…” he starts hesitantly. “Do you remember… uhm… When I woke up the morning after that night I found a picture on my phone, which I then deleted…” He looks at her collarbones because he feels guilty for that action as well now. “Do you remember taking that picture? Because I don’t.”

“I do.” Her response makes his eyes snap back to hers, seeing the hesitation in them. “There actually two photos… I kinda kept them, don’t really know why. Call it impulse but I just couldn’t delete them, it’s not like I knew you then or whatever but it just felt wrong somehow and well, I saved them not because of their explicit content, you know? Although they’re pretty explicit, nakedness was involved so obviously they’re explicit and that’s good, not that I have anything against that kind of pictures. I mean I once had a boyfriend a couple of years ago who-”

“Felicity.” He cuts her off with a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Can I see them?” he asks and she stares at him for a few seconds before sighing and then she started tapping on her phone giving it to him a minute later.

He stares at the photo, it’s the one he found that day and the smirk on his face doesn’t make him ache anymore, he’s conscious it’s the effect Felicity has in him and he loves her all the more for it. Sliding his finger over her phone he goes to the other photo and he stops breathing.

This one was obviously taken by him. Felicity’s looking at the camera with a smirk on her face that’s hidden a little away by her messy hair and the darkness of the picture but it’s still the most beautiful photo of her he’s ever seen.

“I want another one.” He suddenly says without taking his eyes off the pictures.

“What?” Felicity asks.

“I want another picture of us.” He then looks up at her; Felicity is staring at him with wide surprised eyes. “What?”

“Really? You want a photo of us?” she asks

“And these too.” He hands her back her phone.

“I never imagined you’d be a photos guy, I thought you’d be pretty against it. Like had-to-threaten-you-to-take-a-photo kind of against.”  He smiles and shrugs.

“I want another photo of us, is that okay?”

“Yeah…” She starts smiling, something like resolution crossing her features before fully sitting on his lap tapping the cam app on her cell.

“Now?” he asks with amusement.

“Well, yeah, why not?” And she turns to the camera smiling, but he has another ideas on his mind so he reaches with his hand to cup her cheek bringing her face to his, kissing her, seconds later they’re kissing each other’s smiles. Felicity giggles. “Okay, okay, another one but you have to look at the camera now.” He arm comes over his shoulders crushing him to her side as she brings their cheeks together. He can feel her grin on his skin and he chuckles at her giddiness as she takes the picture.  Then they’re looking at the photos and he’s mesmerized by how happy they look, it’s not the smiles, it’s the way their eyes shine with happiness and he feels full of it, wanting to store this moment forever in his mind.

“Send them to me?” he asks, looking at her.

“Already did.” Felicity replies.

“Hey.” He says, and she turns to him. “I love you.”  Her face softens, moving to straddle him. Felicity kisses him, humming against his lips.

“I love you too, hotshot.”

Days later when he had his bad moments or he just simply misses her he would look at those photos and everything would make sense again.

 

He’s driving his motorcycle to the foundry after going to his loft to change. He had a hard time letting go of her, eventually Felicity started walking them to the door as they kissed only to be pressed against it for almost half an hour more. She pushed back against his chest to distance them and almost kick him out the door; not even his pouting had been good.

He’s walking down the stairs of the foundry as he sees her immerse in her work. God, she’s really beautiful. She’s biting her bottom him in concentration and he can only think about getting closer and dragging his thumb over it before kissing her. He is about to do that when he sees John who’s waiting for him in the training mats watching him with a curious expression.  Oliver takes off his jacket and places it on the med table nearby.

“Hey.” He tells her as he approaches.

“Hi.” Felicity replies smiling softly at him. That’s when he realizes just how difficult this will be.

“Do you have anything?” he asks trying to find a distraction that’s not Felicity’s lips.

“Not yet. Seems like the criminals are taking a day off today.”  

“Okay.” He looks at Dig. “You looking for a beating?” he scoffs.

“You can try.” John challenges and they engage into a well-known symphony of sticks hitting each other and background grunt noises.

 

It’s later that day that he sees Diggle staring at them with a knowing smirk on his face. Oliver frowns in confusion, he didn’t do anything. He’s pretty sure because it was being so hard to be next to her and not touch her, so he was very careful to not even let their fingers brush together, knowing his fragile control. Hell, they’re not even near each other now. She’s in her usual spot and he’s checking his arrows in another table.

“What?” Oliver snaps a little at Diggle.

“You two are so full of shit.” He simply states and on his peripheral vision he can see Felicity’s head snapping up.

“What?” she’s confused.

“You two are so full of shit. How long?” Diggle asks, now full ginning.

“Wha-… but how… we didn’t even do anything suspicious!” Felicity squeals, standing up.

“You forget I have been waiting for this moment for years. And you’re so obvious with the furtive glances, the way you absolutely don’t touch each other and the way he’s being staring at you?” He chuckles “Please.”

Oliver sighs, feeling like this is a bit his fault, but he couldn’t help to at least stare at her a little.

“John… we’d like to keep this down for a bit.” He hears Felicity say and is met by silences for a few seconds.

“…Okay.” He replies.

“Thank you.” Felicity says, smiling at Diggle.

“Just remember if he hurts you, you tell me and I beat him up, alright?” John says fondly and Felicity giggles.

“Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.”

“Diggle…” Oliver starts, bringing their attention to him. “I would never dare hurt her. Now, would you mind if I kiss my not-so-secret-now girlfriend?”

Diggle just smirks, raises an eyebrow and shakes his head as he walks to the bathroom.

“I can already hear myself giving the boundaries talk…” Diggle says but Oliver is too busy kissing the lipstick out of Felicity’s lips to care about it.

 

* * *

 

Oliver has always been a physical person, even as a child he would run around the house touching everything and anything much to his mother’s dismay. Throughout his life he had channelled the need with girls, parties and alcohol. He was used to it. Thea didn’t seem to notice him always having his hand on her walk if they were walking.

But the thing with Felicity was new in a different level, he craved touching her constantly and not always in a sexual manner, he’d be content just holding her hand. Whenever they were alone, he’d be constantly touching her. Felicity didn’t seem to mind though; usually she would lean against his touch which made Oliver’s heart beat in quick succession.

It easily became one of his most favourite and most hateful things about them because the amount of self-control Oliver had to apply every day no to touch her in public was huge. So after long days, or even weeks of not touching her 24/7 like he would like, Oliver often found himself sneaking into her house after their work to get what Felicity called “Their rigorous cuddle tradition” and other days he’ll make sure Felicity didn’t leave her bed an entire weekend. Their relationship kept going stronger every day and he could see the change in her. Her faith in them shining through.

 

It took almost two months after they got together for the whole team to know, but that was the least of his concerns right now.

They were on a mission and Felicity had to go undercover. Oliver protested against it but Felicity didn’t back down, explaining that it was their only chance to infiltrate this club that supposedly was trafficking people, then Felicity proceeded to make a lengthy rant about how boobs make everything easier –It made Oliver clench his jaw tightly as he tried to hold back the caveman impulse of wrapping himself around her and throwing a tantrum like a little child with sharing problems– and she’d get into the club easier than any of them. Oliver finally agreed to it, but only because he’d be following her every move.

 

He should’ve seen it coming, and he beats himself up for it for the next week or so but he’s watching her from afar, hearing her voice in his comm when everything goes to shit. He sees a bodyguard approaching, talking to Felicity’s ear.

“Mr. Blodart would like to see you, he’s the owner of the club.”  He says.

Felicity’s response is fake surprise and excitement; she wouldn’t let an opportunity like this go away. Oliver’s eyes follow her around and he moves from his position as soon as the door of the office closes, he’s on edge.

The next moments are a blur of adrenaline, next thing he knows Oliver’s fighting desesperatly his way to Felicity in the alley as they try to take her away, Roy is fighting some of the body guards that came out of nowhere and he sees a SUV stop right in the alley, Blodart making his way to it with Felicity and his bodyguards. Oliver shoots two arrows to the SUV’s door as they open it and he hears Blodart shout orders.

“Leave her! She’s not worth it!” he orders and Oliver feels a thin wave a relief hit him. He continues to make his way towards them, still shooting and fighting against the bodyguards that stayed behind, one of them is well trained and puts up a good fight for a few seconds before falling unconscious to the floor, that’s when Oliver hears her scream in pain. Blodart is on the SUV and next he’s closing its door before drying away.

“FELICITY!” He screams, running to her. She’s kneeling with her hands clutching at her stomach, her face pale. Oliver arrives just in time to see her look down at her shaking hands that are stained with blood, he cups her face in his hands as he screams at Diggle to get to them on the comms.

“Oliver” her voice is thin and when Felicity coughs a little of blood his heart hits the floor. He moves her so he’s supporting most of her weight.

“Everything will be alright, Felicity. Hang on, John’s coming for us.” He’s barely aware of Roy standing near them. “John, where are you?” his voice is hard.

“I’m almost there. “ Diggle answers.

Felicity’s breathing is shallow as he applies pressure to the wound. He feels raw, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It was all his fault, he should’ve never let her come.

“Not… your fault.” She says, her voice rough.

“Like hell it isn’t.” He snaps and is about to say more but the sound of John arriving catches his attention. Standing up quickly with Felicity in his arms, they get to the SUV. “To the foundry, Digg. NOW.” He barks, sitting in the floor with Felicity almost in his lap.

“My life, my choice, alright?” she says and he would be so mad at her if he wasn’t falling apart with worry. Her dress is tainted with her blood, she’s so pale and she’s panting. “Oliver, I…”

“Don’t you dare.” He cuts her off, his words strained. “Everything’s going to be alright.” Felicity smiles softly at him, her eyes closing for a second. He can see her struggling to keep her eyes open and it freaks him out. “No, Felicity, keep your eyes open. Come on.” He cups her cheek and she looks up at him for a few beats before her eyelids flutter again. “Felicity, I need you to be strong and stay awake for me, okay? We’re almost there. Baby, please, don’t give up on me yet… I promise to never again leave a wet towel on the bed and to not get mad when you put your freezing toes on me, just don’t go to sleep yet, okay?” he feels tears going down his face as well as the anxiety on his chest. Felicity huffs out what should be a laugh, her eyes opening again. Her beautiful blue eyes, Oliver holds back a sob.

“I love you.” It’s a broken whisper that resonates on the darkest corners of his brain.

“I love you too, baby. We’re almost there.” At this point he’s not sure who he’s trying to reassure.

 

She flat lines. Once. Twice. He’s not exactly sure he doesn’t flat line along with her; the only thing keeping him grounded is Diggle barking orders to him and Roy as they try to save Felicity.

He’s looking at her lying on the med table, her breathing normal now. The constant beep and the matching pulse he feels on her wrist are the only things he’s paying attention to.

“I didn’t know you two were together.” Roy’s voice shakes him out of his bubble of misery.

“Yeah, we were keeping it to ourselves.” He states slowly, caressing Felicity’s knuckles.

“Why?” he asks, a frown on his face.

“Felicity wanted to be sure… about us before going out in the open.” Oliver answers.

“You guys seemed pretty sure before in the van.” Roy says, making Oliver take a deep breath as he remembers how she lost consciousness.

“I love her, Roy. I don’t wanna fuck this up and if she wants to do this then I’m okay with it.” His answer is honest. He has wanted to be public with her for a while but he doesn’t mind at all as long as he’s with her. That’s all that matters.

“Well, good to see your head’s finally out of your ass.” Roy teases lightly, making Oliver glare at him, he’s about to answer when Felicity’s hand twitch in his. He gets up from his chair instantly, softly pushing strands of her from her face.

“Hi there, Beautiful.” His throat is a bit closed off with emotion and relief at seeing her wake up. He leans to brush his lips against her in a barely there kiss.

“Oliver” She says with intention, looking briefly at Roy.

“He knows and I don’t care…” his thumb caresses her cheek. “I almost lost you.”

“No way you’re getting rid of me that easily, Queen.”

“Good.” He answers.

“Yeah, I’m not sure I’d handle not killing him without you around here to kick his ass.” Roy says, winking at her.

“Oh yeah, you know me. Felicity Smoak, Vigilante whisperer.” She jokes and they laugh but Oliver knows the truth hiding beneath their words and most importantly Oliver knows he really wouldn’t function without her. And he didn’t want to.

 

 

He’s laying very still on the bed as he controls his breathing trying to tamper down his giddiness. Felicity is peppering kisses all over his face in a slow rhythm, he can feel her breath on his skin and he can’t find it in himself to move an inch because she’ll probably stop. Felicity’s mouth is moving from his cheek to his jaw and then his neck, next thing he feels her tongue tasting his skin in an open mouthed kiss and he can’t help the little sigh that escapes his lips.

“Are you pretending to be asleep so I keep kissing you?” her tone is playful and he can feel her smile in his skin. The hand on her hip twitches a bit and she chuckles. “Fine, dear ol’ boyfriend is still asleep I better go make some coffee and find entertainment elsewhere. What a pity…” She’s lifting her body from him and… he simply can’t allow that so he hugs her to his chest before turning them around, he buries his head in the crook of her neck, breathing her in and enjoying the warmth of her body beneath his.

“You really like pinning me to bed, don’t you?” she says.

“I like you in the bed in any position, period.  This is me preventing you of making a big mistake.” Oliver replies, voice a bit muffled against her skin.

“Oh, a big mistake? Getting out of bed?” Felicity teases and Oliver bites lightly her neck before answering.

“The biggest mistake ever.” He sucks on her collarbone, leaving a mark there.

“Well, you know I like big things…” she begins. He looks at her with a smug grin. “That makes me wonder what I’m even doing here with you.” Felicity frowns but he can see the mirth in her eyes.

“Oh really?”  He accommodates himself in-between her legs so he can press his hardening member to her centre. “You didn’t seem to mind my little self last night.”

He lowers his head to her neck and starts kissing it slowly, nipping at her jaw.

“I’m… I’m a good actress.” Felicity replies, making him chuckle against her skin. His hands are roaming over her sides as he makes his way up towards her chest, humming when he reaches her breasts.

“You were very, _very_ convincing last night.” He says before taking her nipple into his mouth sucking, he can hear her breathing a bit sharply.

“I know. You’ll have to work harder today I guess…” her tone is uninterested but her breathing is getting a little quicker as he plays with her breasts.

“Will do.” He makes his way to the other breast and licks the underside of it before biting lightly at her nipple, still no reaction but a hitched breath. His right hand passes the valley of her breaths and continues its journey downwards before cupping her sex.

“You’re so wet, Felicity. Is that for me?” his lips are brushing hers as his fingers slip between her folds.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I was thinking about… big things…” she finishes and bites her lower lip, she’s trying to hold back a smile and it makes him grin at the challenge. He cuts the distance between them and lets his tongue trace the bottom lip that’s still between her teeth as he finds her clit. He continues to tease her, her lips parting and he takes advantage to kiss her deeply in tempo with his strokes.

She’s panting now but making no noise as he slips one, two fingers inside of her; Felicity goes back to biting her lip as soon as he stops kissing her.

He can feel her walls clinging to him as she nears her orgasm, her chest is a bit red from his kisses and his scruff, a moan escapes her mouth when he suddenly stops and breaks their connection, making him grin in victory at making her react.

“Oliver…” She says.

“What do you want?” he asks, his fingers linger near her clit, making her hips jerk when he gets close.

“You.” She states simply and he will never get tired of hearing that. Oliver leans back, grabbing his cock, stroking himself a few times before sliding its head through her folds, not yet entering her. He repeats the motion a few times before retreating.

“I don’t know about that, you kinda hurt my manly ego earlier.” He says, enjoying how she’s panting and clearly frustrated. He pumps himself in front of her a little more, her eyes darting towards his cock as she licks her lips, suddenly she’s on her knees, putting all of her strength to lay him down on the bed and he lets her, silently watching as she straddles his hips, grinding against him making Oliver hiss.

“I’m sorry I hurt your manly ego, baby.” She teases, leaning down, chests pressed together before she begins to kiss his chest. “You. Are. The.” She punctuates every word with a kiss. “biggest. I’ve.ever.met.” He laughs at her statement, Felicity looks up grinning. “And I love you.” Oliver cups her face with his hands, lowering her down for a kiss.

“I love you too, so much.” He replies. She sucks on his lower lip, making him groan.

“Then fuck me, Oliver.”  She whispers against his lips.

 

He does manage to make her scream, multiples times, but the smug grin on his face? That lasts for days.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re working at Queen Consolidated, after almost losing the company they’ve been working harder and harder to get it back on its feet. Days like these he’s extremely grateful of having people like Felicity at his side.

They’re currently sitting on the couch of his office going through what seems like an endless mountain of paperwork, he’s sure his brain is turning off after three hours of continuous suffering.

The sound of heels against the floor stands to his attention, he looks up to see Thea. She came home a couple of weeks ago, he had to go all the way to Corto Maltese to get her but he doesn’t regret a moment of it since her sister was finally home with him. She had her own loft but usually crashed in Oliver’s penthouse… one of the reasons Felicity and him mostly hang out at her place.

“Thea, hi…” he stands up and hugs her briefly.

“Brother dearest.” She smiles and it almost seems like the old Thea, but she has this new sharpness around her and he finds himself constantly wanting to smooth out her edges and turn her into a kid again… that’s what Thea must’ve felt like when he came back. “Hi Felicity.” Her sister greets.

“Hi Thea, how are you?”

“Fine. Oh, I found this, is it yours?” Thea hold a lipstick in her hand, showing it to Felicity, who stands up and grabs it with shock in her face.

“Oh my God, I’ve been looking for this lipstick for weeks. Where did you find it?” Felicity asks, clenching the lipstick close to her chest like she was afraid it’ll disappear.

“Oh, you know, in my brother’s bathroom.” Thea says with a neutral tone and he freezes.

“Oliver! I told you to… Oh.” Felicity finally catches up and stares wide eyed at him, then at his sister.

“Oh, yeah.” If his sister’s smirk could be wider she’d break her jaw.

“Thea, what were you doing in my bedroom?” He asks, sighing.

“Really? That’s what you’re going to say? I ran out of shampoo, went looking for some and found the lipstick instead. Don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think bright pink is really your color” she sasses and Felicity is still frozen next to him. Oliver looks at her for a few beats, trying to read her. He tilts his head a bit, silently asking for her approval and seconds later she sighs, taking a step closer to him.

“Thea, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend… Felicity.” He says, bringing Felicity closer to his side with an arm around her waist.

“I knew there had to be a reason you weren’t Mister Broody anymore.” Thea says.

“I was not Mister Broody.”

“You were.” Thea and Felicity say in unison and start laughing.

“So… when is the official dinner to meet the girlfriend?” Thea asks.

“This weekend?” Felicity replies at the same time Oliver says “Never.” She turns to him and slaps him in the arm, frowning. “Hey!” she says and then turns to Thea. “I’d love to have that dinner this weekend if you’re free… I can cook for both of you.” Felicity bites her lower lip in what Oliver recognizes as a nervous gesture.

“I’d love that.” Thea replies, her grin never fading. “I’ll bring the wine.”

“Oh, yes. Red, please!” Felicity reaches to touch Thea lightly on the arm and he can see his sister’s smile soften. He groans at the scene in front of him.

“You’ve met her two seconds, only two seconds and you’re already making plans…” He sighs and Thea chuckles.

“Don’t worry, Ollie… Well, that’s not true, you should totally worry. Panic even.” She turns to Felicity. “See you then, Felicity.” And with that she walks out of the office.

 

They go public slowly, almost not knowingly so. Oliver starts it one day as they’re walking back to Queen Consolidated after their lunch break, he takes a deep breath  and lets the back of his fingers brush hers before he, ever so slowly, grabs her hand. Felicity doesn’t stop talking and the only indication that she notices the change is how she squeezes his hand tighter for a beat.

It takes another whole month of hesitant touches in public spaces for them to be comfortable, they’re not a very PDA couple but he’s always touching her somehow, making sure she’s there. More often than not he finds himself intertwining his pinkie finger with hers like that night that seems a billion years ago.

 

 

They are standing watching his mom’s grave. It’s been a little over a year now since it all happened, a little over a year since his mom died, a little over a year since Thea disappeared but then came back, a little over a year since he grew a pair, grabbed Felicity’s hand and never let go.

Moira Queen was definitely not the best mom, but she was still his mom. He still remembered feeling safe in her arms when he was a kid, and now he remembered all the lies too. It was bittersweet and yet he couldn’t help but wanting to see her once more.

His arm tightens on Felicity’s waist, bringing her closer to him, as close as he can because he needs it, he always needs her. Felicity looks up at him with the same warmth and love as ever; he cups her cheek, letting his thumb ghost over her bottom lip making her smile softly. Oliver suddenly feels conscious of the engagement ring he’s been hiding for the last five months.

It had been an impulse buy. He was with Thea waiting for her to finish looking at the Jewellery shop’s display when he saw it. It was a simple silver ring that held in what seemed like twisted branches a small emerald stone. All of these flashes of Felicity wearing it invade his mind making his breath catch.

“Felicity would love that ring.” He hears Thea say beside him, Oliver turns to look at her with wide eyes and she’s smiling. He turns to look back at the ring.

“I…” he starts, lost in thoughts. “I’m buying it.” He finishes, with determination.

 

He’s looking at her as they lay on the couch, her head is on his lap as he caresses her hair. He wants to cry because suddenly he feels so full of love he may as well burst into a million pieces. They’re sitting on their couch, because it took him 6 months into the relationship to officially tell her to finish moving all of her stuff to his penthouse, because what was the point of having her apartment if she’s barely there? They’re sitting on their couch as he marvels on all the things they went through, because sometimes it felt as easy as breathing and sometimes it was like running down a never ending aisle. They’re sitting on their couch and it hits him how far they’ve come from the longing gazes and avoided feelings. They’re sitting on their couch and he knows that he wants to spend the rest of his crazy life with this woman. They’re sitting on their couch and suddenly he can’t wait anymore.

“Felicity” He says, nudging her into a sitting position. She looks at him with sleepy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Nothing. I…” He stops, he realises he has no idea how to do this so he follows his instincts. Oliver takes the little box from his pocket, ignoring her little gasp, opens it and takes the ring out, watching it catch the light. “I’ve had this for five months now.” He starts, looking at her; he can tell she’s making the math in her head because her eyes widen a little. “I saw it when I was with Thea and I got all these flashes of you wearing it.” He smiles. “The thing is, Felicity, that this might be too soon, this might seem rushed but after living with you for months I simply can’t wait any longer to give you this.” He takes her hand, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “Felicity, you’re my home. You’re the best part of my life by far, and I’m so thankful you gave me an opportunity that night because I’d be lost without you. I told you I wanted to make you feel as loved and safe as you make me feel and I intend to keep that promise because, Felicity, I hope you know that I love you with every broken piece of my soul… After establishing that you babbling is contagious,” She giggles. “what I wanted to ask is… Felicity, will you agree to love this vigilante till he’s no longer able to go up the salmon ladder and all he has left is you by his side?”

“YES!” She jumps, straddling his lap and peppering kisses all over his face. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.” They’re smiling as they kiss and this is definitely the happiest day of his life. Felicity is beaming at him as she leans back giving him her left hand. “Put a ring on it, Mr. Queen.”

 

* * *

 

“Why are we doing this again?” Oliver asks.

“Because I want to celebrate my husband’s birthday and even though you’ve only been married to me two years I know you know better than to disagree with me on this.” Felicity replies.

They’re waiting in the bar at Verdant for Thea to finish some paperwork in her office so they can head off to the restaurant where they made a reservation to celebrate Oliver’s birthday.

“I’d much rather stay at home, in the bed… with you.” He says, smirking.

“Nope, you’ll have to wait.” She says. “So… how was the chat with LexCorp?”  Oliver groans.

“Bad. Luthor is an asshole, he spent an hour talking about all the improvements his company could do to our _little_ company, and then he continued to show several charts of how Queen Consolidated had fallen over the years in specific details, comparing it again to his company. I swear, I bet this imbecile just made an appointment and came all the way from Gotham so he could mock me in my face… and that’s not all, he-”

“I’m pregnant.” Felicity cuts him off. Her eyes go unbelievable wide as she gasps and slaps a hand to her mouth. Oliver can’t move a single muscle and he’s sure he’s standing open mouthed looking at her. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I was gonna tell you when we got home, but then you started talking and all I could think about is how I was going to tell you, how much I wanted to tell you even though I was kinda afraid of your reaction because I know we haven’t really talked about this, I mean, we established that we wanted to have kids at some point but this is unexpected and now it just kinda slipped out of my mouth. I’m the worst news breaker ever, I had it all figured out, damn it. Please say something, Oliver.” She’s breathing fast, eyes pleading at him.

“You are… Are you…” he tries to get the words out but he can’t breathe.

“Yes, I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I’m sure.” Her smile is shy and it last for two seconds. “Oh, no, no, don’t cry, please don’t cry.” Felicity cups his face and wipes the tears he wasn’t even aware that were falling from his cheeks. Oliver starts laughing because he never thought he would get to this point in his life. He hugs her to him, leaning his head against the crook of her neck thinking he has all he’ll ever need right here in his arms.

“Thank you, thank you so much.” His voice is strained with emotion.

“Well, it wasn’t all my doing, you know. You kinda helped.” Felicity says and he’s laughing against her lips.

“What’s going on?” Thea’s voice breaks his bubble of extreme happiness and he turns to her, she’s walking to them with a mildly scared frown on her face. Oliver looks back at Felicity who’s smiling at him, and he kisses her briefly before turning to his sister.

“I just got the best birthday present. It’s kinda shared, tho.” He says and places his free hand on Felicity’s ever so slight bump.  
“You…” Apparently, speechlessness is hereditary in the Queen family.

“I’m pregnant.” Felicity says with the biggest of smiles. Thea is frozen for a beat or two before she starts screaming and lifting her arms up in the air. She hugs Felicity tight before turning to him, grabbing his shoulders.

“You’re gonna be a Dad!” She says excitedly.

“You’re gonna be an aunt!” he replies as he hugs her tightly to him and no one can blame him if he cries a little more. Finally he hugs Felicity again. “And you are already the most beautiful mom in the universe.” She giggles before reaching out to kiss him.  “I love you.” He says.

“We love you too, dad.”

 

* * *

 

Felicity thought one of her most precious memories was Oliver Queen making her a promise and all the times he stood by it, but as she watches him hold their new-born daughter, his whole attention in her as he makes her a promise… Felicity knew this was the first of many, _many_ wonderful memories to come.

 

 

 

 


End file.
